From Chasing Happiness to Finding Contentment
In our pursuit of a fulfilling life, we often hear about the importance of happiness. Society tells us that happiness is the key to success, relationships, and a fulfilling life. However, as we strive towards happiness, we forget the importance of contentment. And because contentment and happiness are not the same things, they aren’t to be used interchangeably. In this blog post, we will explore why contentment is more important than happiness.
But firstly, what is contentment?
Contentment is a state of being satisfied with what you have, where you are, and who you are. It's a feeling of peace and calmness that comes from within, regardless of external circumstances. Contentment is not the same as happiness, which is a fleeting emotion that is often dependent on external factors.
Think of contentment as a butterfly that flutters from flower to flower, enjoying each one without being greedy or envious of the other flowers. The butterfly doesn't need to own or possess the flowers to appreciate their beauty and value. Similarly, we can find contentment in life by appreciating the things we have without feeling the need to constantly acquire more.
When we live from a place of contentment, it shifts how we view our wants and needs, such as our desire to practice more self-care, become healthier, better our relationships, or develop a new habit or hobby. In this sense, we acknowledge our desires as being a fundamental aspect of being human yet they don’t rule over us.
So while desiring more is a part of our ever-expanding nature, I’ve noticed when it’s partnered with feelings of stress, yearning, and striving due to an underlying dissatisfaction with the way things currently are, it can definitely get in the way of our peace of mind, sense of contentment, and creativity.
For example, as I’ve gotten clearer on what I’ve wanted to create in my life, knowing we create our reality, I’ve been drawn to set higher goals and expectations for myself.
Initially, if I found I couldn’t meet those expectations, I’d unconsciously beat myself up for not seeing progress happening quickly enough. Then, you guessed it, frustration, disappointment, and overwhelm would ensue! The other downside is sometimes it would lead me to give up on my goal or desire completely. It was only until I realized why I wanted to achieve these goals and manifest these things in the first place that I got clarity and found a better method when it comes to attracting the life of our dreams.
What we’re really looking for as we set our goals and desires is to feel greater levels of peace and contentment in the HERE and NOW. And it’s only in the present moment that we can be in that state, not in some imagined future. So the power of contentment is to live in that state of peace and enjoyment now instead of expecting to feel happiness later once we’ve acquired or achieved our goals.
We must admit, it’s the constant striving for more that’s rooted in ego. It’s common for the ego mind to believe where I am right now is not only less than ideal but that I need to DO SOMETHING to improve it as quickly as possible! All of these notions come with that sense of underlying self-created pressure to them… (with the word ‘need’ amplifying that unnecessary pressure, even on a subconscious level).
In my experience, when I would push myself to make changes due to a feeling of discontent it would only increase my inner resistance and create more unwanted circumstances… things wouldn’t flow and I would end up becoming too future-focused instead of enjoying the process and feeling gratitude and contentment with where I currently was.
Instead of choosing to be kinder and more patient with myself and the way life was unfolding, I would fall into this false belief that this couldn’t possibly be what ‘success” looked like. That my life was far from what I would consider a success. But who’s version of success was I choosing to believe in anyway? My own, or someone else’s? Was this version of success that I was judging my experience from something conditioned? Could I create my own version of success??
A major ah-ha moment for me was realizing the real source of frustration, overwhelm, and disappointment. It’s not the circumstances themselves but the lack of understanding, compassion, and forgiveness we feel towards ourselves and the process. And no amount of “doing” is going to fix this root issue because doing things while we’re feeling out of alignment is the worst time to take action!
When we take action out of a sense of stress, worry, and fear instead of out of alignment and inspiration, we get not-so-wonderful results. And even while so many of my personal experiences attest to this fact, I still find myself making the same mistake sometimes, which I get to forgive myself for.
I think it could be due to the fact that modern society promotes this false notion that nothing comes easily in life or that life is just a constant struggle. That if we want to “chase our dreams” we have to “get out there” and “JUST DO IT,” or “grab the bull by the horns” if we want to see our goals and dreams realized. But honestly, something feels so off about all of that.
This pressure in thinking of how much effort is required to get to where I want to be not only creates a sense of anxiety and urgency but also causes me to feel like where I currently am just isn’t good enough. This, in turn, shows up as feelings of frustration, overwhelm, and burn out on a pretty regular basis.
This vicious cycle of having a desire, feeling like I have to work hard to realize it, then pushing myself even harder because I’m feeling dissatisfied with my progress has been my biggest drawback. It’s this cycle that I’ve recognized keeps me anxiously running around in subtle bewilderment and dissatisfaction instead of taking steady, focused, and inspired action. It’s this cycle that has had detrimental effects on all areas of my life over time, including my health, outlook, and relationship.
So all of this makes me beg the question: how do we balance our wants and desires while also feeling content with what we currently have and are experiencing?
Because the truth is (whether we recognize it or not) each of us is seeking something just out of reach… Whether it’s higher feelings, greater experiences and purpose, further self-expression, more freedom, or a deeper connection with ourselves and others, we seem to constantly be on the move to get something else or be somewhere else. But, more often than not, during our searching and striving many of us still find ourselves dissatisfied with where things currently are, probably because our attention is so easily drawn to what’s missing.
In this case, it’s natural for us to look to the external world to fill in these gaps. Whether it’s more money, more stuff, a new house, a different relationship, or a new kind of experience, it’s easy to believe that we’ll only be happier once we attain these things. It’s what we’ve been taught to reach for since it’s what we see the majority of other people doing, and we tend to learn by example.
What I’ve learned from my own struggle in finding a balance between these two things is that what we’re searching for will continue to elude us, if we keep the search focused on the external, outside world. If we only look outside of ourselves, waiting for the “right” circumstances that we believe will make us happy, we will keep progressively wanting more and more without achieve any lasting happiness.
So how do we discover contentment now, inside of ourselves?
Well, it’s really a matter of shifting our perspective and moving our focus from future-based thinking and having to present-based being and experiencing. When we’re able to enjoy the journey as it’s unfolding instead of placing too much attention on our future wants and desires, we’re able to come back to the present moment. In other words, the more we can learn to relish each moment instead of focusing on what’s missing or the next thing we wish to experience or achieve, the more we can feel truly content and peaceful in the long run. And this brings me to my next point:
We can learn and choose to be content in the moment, lessening resistance and allowing life to naturally flow our desires to us.
As I focus on being content with who and where I am now, I’m naturally better able to create the life that I want – without the struggle! It takes the edge off and the self-created pressure. It also gives me back my power, since we can only create real change in the present moment, not some illusory or imagined future.
I think this is why I appreciate mindfulness and meditation so much because these practices allow me to get out of my head so I can experience what truly matters – inner peace. It seems counter-intuitive but I’m finding the best solution for when I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed from considering all that I have to do is to sit completely still and quiet my mind for a while.
That’s when it becomes clear to me that the things we’re constantly striving for cannot be found in material things or the external world – no matter how much our society may try to convince us otherwise. These greater feelings, experiences, and relationships we desire can only be discovered in ourselves first, then – and only then – will they be reflected in our external world.
By switching our gaze from outside things, people, and circumstances and instead choosing to look inward for clarity and answers can not only feel intimidating and uncomfortable, it also requires energy, courage, self-honesty, and perseverance. It requires us to work on our internal mindsets and beliefs, which then impact our habits and behaviors. It requires us to be honest about how we’re feeling and not shy away from our own negative emotions.
As you’ll come to find, the more we create these inner shifts the more things naturally improve. We’re better able to take personal responsibility for ourselves and attain true self-empowerment. It’s what allows us to respond to situations and create with awareness instead of becoming victims to our circumstances.
And, sometimes the old patterns of thought draw our attention again and we find ourselves reacting in self-defeating ways but that’s no reason to beat ourselves up.
If we can patiently bring ourselves back to noticing the good in our lives and showing love and appreciation for ourselves (and life as a whole) in order to help stabilize and soothe ourselves, we’ll get right back on track. But, as with most things, it’s all about practice!
The more we remind ourselves of our innate wholeness instead of looking at the ways in which we’re lacking the more we’re able to stay in alignment and trust the process. We’re better able to feel good, just as we are… So this is my daily intention - to choose to be content in the moment, knowing who and where I am now is perfectly good enough.
