What Our Ego Pain Teaches Us
This morning, I read a section in ‘A Course In Miracles’ talking about the true correction of error, and it touched on so many things that have been coming up a lot lately. It’s in regards to the ego, and the seeming Catch-22 we find ourselves in when we wish to point out when another person is speaking or behaving from their ego.
The irony of that is when we perceive their ego, if we’re coming from a place of judgement or labeling then we’re right back in our ego. We then begin to perceive from a place of error, of distortion, of illusion. We see the other person as their ego, not as their True Self, thus we are also in our ego, not our True Self.
Eckhart Tolle illustrates this phenomenon well with his description of the pain body which exists in every individual. This pain body that each of us carries becomes activated by other pain bodies. We only have to look so far as our own personal relationships to find how this all plays out. One person becomes triggered by something and then other person usually becomes triggered as well. Suddenly, both parties are feeling pain and disconnection which, depending on whether they remain reactive or begin consciously choosing their responses, can either lead to further upset or a resolution.
To take an example from my own life, my partner and I had been falling into a pattern of triggering each other’s egos or pain bodies. We were aware of how these certain triggers were formed during childhood and knew they were simply coming up so we could become aware of them and release them, which already made the experiences when they occurred a bit easier.
His trigger was around feeling unseen and unheard while mine was feeling misunderstood, so when instances or circumstances occurred that would bring up these triggers for either of us, we’d find ourselves reverting back to old patterns and reactions versus communicating from a place of love, connection, and conscious awareness.
Our initial reactions, when perceiving unconsciously, showed up as my tendency towards closing myself off and not speaking to him, believing I had to work through my emotional upset alone. This would then trigger his pain body further because he believed I wasn’t listening or that I’d rather distract myself than give him my undivided attention. All of a sudden, it seemed, we were upset for different reasons.
Gratefully, I’ve trained myself to know by now that when I’m feeling off it’s a sure sign I’m perceiving from ego, so I began asking myself what this pattern meant. What was the trigger trying to tell me? And why did I always seem to react in the same way? And that’s when I realized there was an underlying fear and subsequent emotion around feeling misunderstood, as well as a coping mechanism in place of shutting down.
Having these realizations helped me to stop reacting and instead continue to see my partner for who he truly is, instead of perceiving his ego, with which I felt I had to defend myself against. We were each able to take responsibility for our triggers, acknowledging them and feeling into them but not identifying AS them.
With that, we’ve been able to talk about the beliefs, past memories, and various hurts that have kept these triggers alive and have made them feel so real in our experience, allowing for deep integration. By the end of this process, we’re seeing each other again, not from ego or the pain body, but how Spirit sees the “other;” as a beautiful reflection of our One Self.
It’s really perfect (yet absolutely crazy sometimes lol) how relationships always bring up the exact sort of dynamic that triggers our unique pain points! I believe Spirit works in this way so that these unresolved beliefs, coping mechanisms, and emotional triggers are allowed to come up and finally be acknowledged, healed, and let go.
In other words, Source Intelligence knows the perfect person, or mirror, that will help us to see our unresolved emotions and beliefs so that we can surrender them, allowing us to live more authentically, joyfully, and peacefully, within ourselves and in our relationships.
It’s this journey of recognizing our triggers, working through old blocked emotion, and realigning our beliefs about ourselves and our relationships that’s necessary to deepen our sense of self-love and perceive from a place of Truth. With that deepening, as well as forgiveness for having been unconscious, we’re then able to see the gift hidden within the pain. This gift is realizing our innocence and immutable wholeness as extensions of Source Consciousness, knowing that every experience is serving us in coming back home to ourselves.
